Sweet Spots
Latelies, as they say.
Charlie and I were walking through a shopping centre last week, hand in hand. A smiling eyed, grey haired man looked down at our interlaced hands. “Holding hands instead of phones”, he said. He followed up with, “don’t see that much anymore”. We all laughed and smiled, and ignored the fact that in my other hand, I was indeed, holding a phone. But that aside, it’s a good descriptor of what the last bit of time has been like. Holding hands instead of phones. Holding eye contact instead of phones. Holding it down, while surrendering to the goodwill of the universe.
It’s been so good in fact, that I haven’t wanted to document any of it, just live it. Barely any photos have been taken, nothing written down at all. I haven’t read any books, and I long ago stopped listening to podcasts. There’s a richness and a depth in my current iteration of life that I couldn’t have anticipated. It hasn’t come through planning, strategising, or beating the world around me into submission, its mostly arrived through a dedicated practice of enjoyment and surrender.
Many years ago, when I met Charles, a voice speaking to me from some distant place, dropped the words into my head, “watch what he does”. I would later come to know that voice as belonging to my Teacher, but back then, my access to it was hazy and inconsistent. I didn’t really know what I was being asked to watch, but over time, I could see- from the way Charles’ eyes scanned the spaces above my head, that he had access to something I did not. We never spoke about it. As more time passed, I came to see myself as a person who wanted that access with a fire that scared the shit out of me.
That fire blazed through every untruth that was in the way of my access, and reshaped life as I knew it. Now Charles and I share the Spaces I once yearned for access to, and whole new worlds are being born, both for us and for others. A few of our clients have now entered these Spaces themselves and are launching new lives helping people in ways they couldn’t have dreamt of. We couldn’t be happier about it, but it’s also really hard to put into words, so I just end up not talking about it, which isn’t helpful, I know.
We are mostly living it, and know we’ve only just started. Everything’s changing, in both ways I was, and wasn’t expecting. My Teacher Samuel is showing us what’s next, and that has not changed since the very beginning, but I still think of things he says as things that will happen in the distant future, not things we need to implement this month, or even year. I am always wrong about these things. It’s always sooner than I think. Or, as he says, “it’s later than you think”. Which feels true in my bones.
I am constantly learning to grow into the version of me that the future requires.
I have been receiving a lot of healing from blessed Charlie. Several times a week, a climb into bed, close my eyes, and we walk me back into the chambers of my subconscious mind, with Charlie’s calm and gentle voice as my guide. This has been instigated, as usual, by the Team we work with, while they guide us to map out a new way of helping clients, which comes directly from the Space but utilises many of the tools Charlie has used in 20 years as a psychologist. Anyway, it’s healing and beautiful and the impact it’s having on me is immediate, and strangely specific.
As of yesterday, the tables have turned, and I’m now working on Charlie, bringing parts of him back, that got lost along the way. Will report back, as this comes to life as a practice we can offer.
Now on to the day to day updates. Charlie and I just completed a 9 day fast.
I wish I could say something profound about what instigated it, some desire to cleanse or rejuvenate, but as with most things I do, it came as a nudge from the Space while I was eating a box of cheezels late one afternoon, watching Charlie make dinner. “Fast. Nine days”, was all I heard and then heard it again. Charlie checked in with his pendulum to make sure I had heard the 9 days part correctly, and I had. A definite yes.
A few years ago I made the decision to shorten the time between intuitive hit and taking action, so now I just respond to the message without letting my mind run through its cycle of what it calls logic. The Space works beyond logic. Hyper logic, my Teacher calls it. Hyper logic is usually the fastest way to get you to where you really want to go in life, but to the mind, it can often look like going backwards or doing nothing.
Message received. With no preparation, the next day, I simply stopped eating. Charlie decided to join me, and took it even further. While I maintained my daily cup of tea, he dialled all the way in, and only consumed water with lemon or water with salt for 9 days. We only just resumed eating again a few days ago, so we’re still integrating all of the changes, but as usual, I was led down the right path.
On a practical note, the hardest days were days 4 and 5. Day 9 seemed very, very far away from that standpoint. All I could do was surrender more, and let my body go through its changes. I think the amount of meditative practice I do helps enormously with this, as I’m used to sitting in observation rather than reacting, so it was 9 days of observing my mind oscillate between freaking out, sadness, and surrender.
Old things surfaced, new ideas were born, and we used it as a chance to do some deep work. We also spent too much time at night watching food videos on youtube which was absolutely not helpful in any way. On the recommendation of a friend, we bought a countertop pizza oven and broke our fast on the tenth day in all of the non recommended ways. We started gently with fruit, but instead of going easy for 3 to 4 days, we were pretty much back to regular eating in 48 hours, pizza included.
We’ve been gardening, just simple things like planting all of the autumn things - beetroot, beans, eggplant, coriander, kale, spinach and lots of lettuce. The soil is still warm, but the light is changing. The mornings are delightfully crisp and in the evenings, if its just us, we stay up talking with candles lit outside, blankets wrapped around us, “will we ever run out of things to talk about?” Charlie wonders, and Samual, speaking from above and within, says, “you’ve got lifetimes to catch up on”.
When the kids are with us, it’s loud and funny. We watch a show with Tuesday before bed (Aaron Sorkin always, first The Newsroom, and now we’re all reliving The West Wing), as the boys wander in and out, always to the fridge, and always being hilarious. Teenage boys are the gift I didn’t know my life needed. They make it hard to take yourself seriously, and I deeply appreciate their irreverence.
Life has been very sweet. Years ago I attended a Joe Dispenza workshop, and he said the words, emphatically, over and over again, “fall in love with your life”. I wanted to. But if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t know how. I have spent the last decade figuring that out. What is it that stops me from enjoying my life as it is, and what are the things I need to do to give my soul the experience it longs for here. I’ve hit a sweet spot between those two things. So now, I can wake up in the morning, and honestly say I’m in love with my life.
So that’s where we’re at. More importantly, how are you?
omg, literally literally CRYING tears of laughter about the whole pizza situation 🤭😆🤣😆🤣 very relatable. Very, very funny. Thanks for the laugh.